my goals
Sometimes it's very easy to forget what my goals are, just because the present situation seems comfortable.
Although I have food, shelter, and cash flow to maintain my current lifestyle, the lifestyle is of a student. The situation is highly temporary in nature. The moment the Ph.D. studies are over, in the case that I don't find a job, then life will suddenly go back to two or three decades ago.
With my father now too old or close to retirement, or having retired, the full pressure of maintaining the house will fall on my shoulders. It's not the responsibility that is daunting, but the lack of utility or being useless is what is more daunting and frustrating. It will be very hard to be in India as a middle-aged man without a job, that too with all of my peers doing very well in the industry. Also, being unmarried and without kids is even more frustrating, not because of what the society will say, but because these are some things that I thought I could achieve by middle age.
To have gainful employment, which not only gives income but is interesting to me and, I feel, has enough intellectual curiosity as well as personal passion attached, is something that I wish to be doing after my Ph.D. I also want to be able to have enough cash flow to sustain a marriage and a family and everything that comes with that, and also have enough cash flow to take care of my ageing parents. In a way, I would want my life. If the last four decades are any indication, then life being unexpected in every decade is probably possible, but the goal still should be to have enough cash flow to have all the elements of a regular life. If I do not do all the work that needs to be done during the Ph.D., then I will be losing all opportunities for a normal life. Although vibe coding and entrepreneurship all of these things sound exciting and interesting, I know you cannot sustain families with such uncertainty, so I need to be on a well-defined path soon.