what do i want
Here's your creative writing, proofread for grammar and punctuation:
Based on the failures in my life up to now, one of the most important lessons I've learned is that many of my setbacks have stemmed from an unawareness of what I truly wanted. This resulted in me wavering and being lackadaisical, which led to people not wanting to align with me and my underperformance in exams or assigned tasks. It always felt as though what I should do would come to me internally. Yet, many times, it was only after experiencing a failure that I would realize something wasn't what I wanted, and that it could have been completely avoided, given my skills and talents.
So now, facing the PhD project, it feels as if I'm failing again, and I just remembered that perhaps I'm forgetting what I want, or rather, not reminding myself of what I truly want. Currently, my weight, and my inability to establish a fitness or nutrition routine, feels like a failing. But the fact is that I'm not focusing on what I want. It's not that I want to have a fit body or a tasty meal every day; the core is that I want a life with all its wonderful elements.
The only way I can have such a life, with its social and productive elements, is by realizing that doing the work—which is the PhD now—will help me get onto the path of having a good life. With such a bearing, it will be possible to put these temporary setbacks in perspective and keep pushing through to achieve the main goal.